To My Children: I miss you today, tomorrow, and all the days to come.
To my sweet babies: I miss you. You're all asleep now, but that's not even really why I miss you. You're 4 years old, 3 years old, 20 months old, and 8 months old, and I already miss today. In fact, I miss yesterday, and I miss tomorrow.
Miss independent 4-year-old... I miss you yesterday. I miss the look on your face when you saw me walk into your Pre-K three graduation. You were obsessed with my presence, and didn't care that everyone in the room knew you were hollering for your mama. When another parent sat in the way of your view of me, you called for me incessantly, until you saw my face peek around her head again. I miss you yesterday.
My 20-month-old... I miss you yesterday. I miss the way you laid your head on my shoulder at nap time, avoiding the sleep that was so inevitably coming. I was happy to hold you there, and you knew it too... Because you've tried to lay there every sleep since then, just to delay your bed time a little longer. And that's okay with me. I love to hold you. I miss you yesterday.
I miss the way you, my big 4-year-old, finished your last day of Pre-K three today. You had a great year, and I heard from many parents that you were the person that their child talked about after school. One little girl even named her teddy bear after you. That speaks of your heart, dear one. Your teacher got teary eyed when you said goodbye for the year. You insisted that you didn't make her cry. I tried to explain to you that she loves you and will miss you. I told you it's okay to cry, but you didn't quite grasp those emotions, and were determined that she was faking it. I miss the way you didn't understand how to interpret feelings. I miss today.
I miss the way you came home from school, and asked to crawl up on the leg rest of the couch with me while I was finishing up my work for the day. You snuggled up next to my legs and shared the soft polka dotted blanket. You didn't want to let me work - showing me your new green army man that you called Captain America, asking me why my legs were hot, and muttering nonsensical phrases. I miss you today.
My 3-year-old... you were feisty today. You were mad about a consequence your dad and I had to give you, so you, in spite, smeared toothpaste all over the handles and spout of the bathroom sink. Regardless, I miss you today.
I miss the way you rescued your brother today. You were all playing in the sprinkler outside, and he had decided that he had enough. He wasn't confident enough to walk through the streams again, and felt trapped. I ran in to grab my shoes by the back door so I could help him get out of the grass, but by the time I turned around, you had already loving led him to the patio. You didn't have to do that. You were already out of the sprinkler. But you love him so dearly, so you did that for him. I miss you today.
Little man... I miss the way you refused to take a picture this morning before leaving the house. You did everything you could to tell me that it was not going to happen (I won!). I miss the way you held your sister's hand only fifteen minutes later, as you were walking into daycare. When I went to pick you up from daycare, your teacher let me know that you are so sweet, and the most well-behaved kid in the room. She said you're a joy to have in class. She's right. You're a joy. I miss you today.
Our little baby... I miss you today. I miss the way I had to bounce you to sleep because you were losing your mind. Your dad had a clear soda bottle that you thought just had to be your own bottle, so you screamed and screamed until you fell asleep within seconds in my arms. I miss the way I held you, sleeping peacefully, on the couch. Then I woke you up a few minutes later to give you your last bottle for the night. You sucked it down, and snuggled back into my chest and fell asleep. I miss you today.
All my sweet babies... I miss you today. I miss the way the three of you sat on the patio and ate homemade popsicles. You were all so messy, so I brought out the sprinkler, and you played in it, in your clothes, in the blazing Texas heat. I love the way you weren't afraid of the water, and bravely stepped into the streams. I miss you today.
I miss you tomorrow. I miss the way you'll defy me. I miss the loud screams that will nearly pierce my ears. I miss getting you up from your nap. I miss the hugs and the kisses I'll give you. I miss the dirty diapers. I miss the invisible owies that I'll inevitably have to kiss and pray for. I miss the books we'll read, the songs we'll sing, and the food we'll share. I miss every single moment I'll spend with you.
I miss you yesterday. I miss you today. I miss you tomorrow. I miss you every day in between now and the day you spread your wings and fly. And then I miss you more. Every day we have is not enough to hold you and love you.
I miss the way you'll graduate kindergarten. I miss the way you'll lose your first tooth. I miss the way you'll have your first crush. I miss the way you'll avoid doing your chores. I miss packing your lunches, and telling you to pick up your dirty socks. I miss reminding you to put the toilet seat down, and keep your phone off at the table. I miss the way you'll walk across stage and get that diploma.
I know it's a little silly to miss things that haven't even happened yet and moments we haven't come to, but I know I will, so I do. I miss all the moments that have been and all the moments that have yet to be. Even now, my eyes fill with tears as I imagine the lives you have ahead and the people you will become. I am honored to be your champion through it all. Every time I drop you off at daycare or school, I remind you to be brave, be silly, and be kind. I miss these days, for one day you won't boldly say the lines with me in the middle of your class or in front of your teachers. When that day comes, just know that I miss today. Today, and every day, I pray that you are brave, knowing that whether you succeed or fail, I'll always be on your side. I pray that you keep that silliness that fill my heart and life with so much joy. Finally, I pray you make others feel valued and appreciate, no matter their beliefs, no matter their background, and no matter what they look like.
**** I have successfully created my own puddle of tears ****
Miss independent 4-year-old... I miss you yesterday. I miss the look on your face when you saw me walk into your Pre-K three graduation. You were obsessed with my presence, and didn't care that everyone in the room knew you were hollering for your mama. When another parent sat in the way of your view of me, you called for me incessantly, until you saw my face peek around her head again. I miss you yesterday.
My 20-month-old... I miss you yesterday. I miss the way you laid your head on my shoulder at nap time, avoiding the sleep that was so inevitably coming. I was happy to hold you there, and you knew it too... Because you've tried to lay there every sleep since then, just to delay your bed time a little longer. And that's okay with me. I love to hold you. I miss you yesterday.
I miss the way you, my big 4-year-old, finished your last day of Pre-K three today. You had a great year, and I heard from many parents that you were the person that their child talked about after school. One little girl even named her teddy bear after you. That speaks of your heart, dear one. Your teacher got teary eyed when you said goodbye for the year. You insisted that you didn't make her cry. I tried to explain to you that she loves you and will miss you. I told you it's okay to cry, but you didn't quite grasp those emotions, and were determined that she was faking it. I miss the way you didn't understand how to interpret feelings. I miss today.
I miss the way you came home from school, and asked to crawl up on the leg rest of the couch with me while I was finishing up my work for the day. You snuggled up next to my legs and shared the soft polka dotted blanket. You didn't want to let me work - showing me your new green army man that you called Captain America, asking me why my legs were hot, and muttering nonsensical phrases. I miss you today.
My 3-year-old... you were feisty today. You were mad about a consequence your dad and I had to give you, so you, in spite, smeared toothpaste all over the handles and spout of the bathroom sink. Regardless, I miss you today.
I miss the way you rescued your brother today. You were all playing in the sprinkler outside, and he had decided that he had enough. He wasn't confident enough to walk through the streams again, and felt trapped. I ran in to grab my shoes by the back door so I could help him get out of the grass, but by the time I turned around, you had already loving led him to the patio. You didn't have to do that. You were already out of the sprinkler. But you love him so dearly, so you did that for him. I miss you today.
Little man... I miss the way you refused to take a picture this morning before leaving the house. You did everything you could to tell me that it was not going to happen (I won!). I miss the way you held your sister's hand only fifteen minutes later, as you were walking into daycare. When I went to pick you up from daycare, your teacher let me know that you are so sweet, and the most well-behaved kid in the room. She said you're a joy to have in class. She's right. You're a joy. I miss you today.
Our little baby... I miss you today. I miss the way I had to bounce you to sleep because you were losing your mind. Your dad had a clear soda bottle that you thought just had to be your own bottle, so you screamed and screamed until you fell asleep within seconds in my arms. I miss the way I held you, sleeping peacefully, on the couch. Then I woke you up a few minutes later to give you your last bottle for the night. You sucked it down, and snuggled back into my chest and fell asleep. I miss you today.
All my sweet babies... I miss you today. I miss the way the three of you sat on the patio and ate homemade popsicles. You were all so messy, so I brought out the sprinkler, and you played in it, in your clothes, in the blazing Texas heat. I love the way you weren't afraid of the water, and bravely stepped into the streams. I miss you today.
I miss you tomorrow. I miss the way you'll defy me. I miss the loud screams that will nearly pierce my ears. I miss getting you up from your nap. I miss the hugs and the kisses I'll give you. I miss the dirty diapers. I miss the invisible owies that I'll inevitably have to kiss and pray for. I miss the books we'll read, the songs we'll sing, and the food we'll share. I miss every single moment I'll spend with you.
I miss you yesterday. I miss you today. I miss you tomorrow. I miss you every day in between now and the day you spread your wings and fly. And then I miss you more. Every day we have is not enough to hold you and love you.
I miss the way you'll graduate kindergarten. I miss the way you'll lose your first tooth. I miss the way you'll have your first crush. I miss the way you'll avoid doing your chores. I miss packing your lunches, and telling you to pick up your dirty socks. I miss reminding you to put the toilet seat down, and keep your phone off at the table. I miss the way you'll walk across stage and get that diploma.
I know it's a little silly to miss things that haven't even happened yet and moments we haven't come to, but I know I will, so I do. I miss all the moments that have been and all the moments that have yet to be. Even now, my eyes fill with tears as I imagine the lives you have ahead and the people you will become. I am honored to be your champion through it all. Every time I drop you off at daycare or school, I remind you to be brave, be silly, and be kind. I miss these days, for one day you won't boldly say the lines with me in the middle of your class or in front of your teachers. When that day comes, just know that I miss today. Today, and every day, I pray that you are brave, knowing that whether you succeed or fail, I'll always be on your side. I pray that you keep that silliness that fill my heart and life with so much joy. Finally, I pray you make others feel valued and appreciate, no matter their beliefs, no matter their background, and no matter what they look like.
Be brave. Be silly. Be kind, my darlings.
**** I have successfully created my own puddle of tears ****
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