Confessions of a Mom of Four Littles
Any parent knows that life with kids isn't some sort of smooth pontoon ride. I'd liken it more to riding a tube pulled by a high-speed boat. In the dark. In shark-infested waters. Oh, and the tube is covered in butter. There are some things that you feel you have control of (and really don't), and those things that you know you'll just never quite have the hang of (until maybe when the kids start doing chores or move out of the house). So, here are a few confessions I have as a mother of four kids under five years.
1. My couch is almost always covered in clean laundry.
With four little people and two adults in the house, it's hard to find time to do anything, let alone fold laundry. It only takes a couple minutes to throw a load in the washer... but match those tiny socks and fold the fitted sheet from the potty accident last week? Puh-lease. When the stars align, and my kids all watch a movie at the same time, and the littlest is asleep, then maybe, just maybe the laundry will get folded. That is, if I'm not just going to sit down and enjoy a break. And you know what? By the time I finally fold all the clothes and (maybe) put them away, there's another week's worth of laundry ready for the couch. Pretty much the only time you'll see it completely cleared off is if we have company coming or our whole family is going to come hang out. After all, it's taking up seating room.
2. I don't cook all the time.
Is anyone really shocked? Some weeks, my meal planning looks like this picture. Other weeks, I'm calling my husband at 5:30, saying, "Oh, I don't have dinner planned. Should we figure out something at home or want me to grab food?" If I've planned ahead, even by just a day, Crock-Pot will usually be included as a cooking method. And yes, This Is Us did cause me to reconsider my constant use of it... I just can't help my love for slow cookers. I will say, though, that this year, I've gotten really good at just throwing things together, based on what's left in the fridge, without pulling out a recipe! It's something I never thought I'd be able to do, and here I am.
3. I haven't always known how to do my girls' hair.
When we got placement of our girls, I had already taken two classes on "African American Hair Care" through an organization that trains foster parents. This class was a great base for me, and really taught me a lot about the basics. But with anything, nothing refines your skills like practice. I have included photos here for your enjoyment. It's okay to laugh. I cringe when I look at the pictures from just over a year ago. In fact, in a couple years I may cringe at the most recent pictures of their hair too... but ya know what? I'm getting better, and that's what matters. As I mentioned in my last post, I've learned to just ask. I've asked about products, about styles, about methods, etc. I've YouTube'd. I've Googled. I've done a whole lot of trial and error. When I used to train foster parents myself as a social worker, I always told them that strangers should not be able to tell that a child is fostered or adopted based solely on the way they dress, the way their hair is taken care of, or other preventable factors. This concept has stuck with me, and I've been determined to do the best I can, for the sake of my girls.
4. I didn't quit my job because of a burning desire to be with my kids.
Growing up, I always imagined that I would be a stay-at-home mother and love every minute of it. I figured as soon as we had kids, I'd quit my job and that would be it for the next 10+ years. Well, that's not how things worked. When my kids arrived, I was working full-time, as was my husband. Because we both worked full-time, we didn't have to pay for daycare out of our own pocket, so our three went to daycare. Well, when we knew the adoption was on the horizon, we began to consider our options. We knew we would lose the funding for daycare on that day, so I started looking for cheaper daycares. There were none. Actually, I did end up finding one. I toured it, and it just wasn't right. You see, as a social worker, my salary was barely higher than what I had made previously at my high school and college job. Daycare for three kids was going to cost me my entire salary. Now, tell me one good reason I would work full-time to send my kids to daycare. It just didn't make sense. So, I didn't quite my job because I wanted to spend every moment with my kids. That would be sweet if that was the reason, but that wasn't it. Now that I've been home for 8 months, I'm nearly in tears thinking about the possibility of going back to work in the future. I do, so very much, love being with my babies, and I have the ability to work from home and do part-time gigs in the meantime!
5. I feel like a failure 75% of the time.
Ever heard the phrase, "Everyone's a perfect parent until they are one?" Well, that's true. I told my mom just the other day, I wish I had half the patience she had for us when we were growing up. While that's still true, I've learned that I have to give myself some grace. In fact, I'm probably a much more patient person than I realize. After all, my patience has to stretch between four littles. When I mess up as a mom, make a mistake, raise my voice, or fail to put myself in time out like I should, I find myself pounding myself with insults. Anyone else? Well, to combat the constant negative loop in my head, I've started a journal of sorts, in which I am only allowed to write encouraging or even semi-encouraging things. Just the other day my entry consisted of basically saying, "Everyone survived, didn't they? Then dust yourself off and get back up." My personal favorite was a take on Wonder Woman's logo.
I've been told that I'm Super Girl and Wonder Woman more times than I can count. There's no denying that I am anything but a super hero, but I've found that opening my heart to hearing it allows me to begin to believe in myself and see myself through the same eyes as so many others. Do I think that I am literally Super Girl or Wonder Woman? Uh, of course not (though, Gal Gadot is pretty legit). But it does feel like it takes super powers to combat the negative loops in my head sometimes. Most the time, when someone says to me "I don't know how you can handle so many, so close in age," or "You're super woman," or "I couldn't do what you're doing," or like someone told me today, "You deserve a monument!", I usually politely thank them and then in my head, I combat their compliment. I say to myself, "Well, yeah, they're close in age, but you didn't birth them so it only half counts," and "They think you're great, but they didn't see how you yelled at your kids in the car earlier," and "You're trying to convince yourself that you're Wonder Woman? What a fantasy you're living in!" If you're a parent out there, and you've done the same things, STOP. When that lady told me today that I deserve a monument, I almost cried. Seriously. Because as totally silly as it was, someone saw me. She doesn't know half the load I carry, but she spoke to my heart. I am a stay-at-home adoptive mother to a 4-year-old, 3-year-old, and 1-year-old, and a foster mother to a 6-month-old. I chauffeur them all around, take them to appointments, and schedule case worker visits for the baby, all while trying to keep the house clean and make sure everybody eats. On top of that, I'm working on my Master's in social work [Which I'll have completed at the end of the summer!]. Currently, I'm taking one class and completing an internship. I also work part-time, and my husband works in tax which means I've been virtually a single parent for the last four months. Why. Can. I. Not. Show. Myself. Some. Grace? Chalk it up to being a perfectionist (see previous post). When I lay it all out there for myself, and for you, I begin to see that maybe, just maybe, it's okay to pat myself on the back every once in a while. For that reason, I have my little encouragement journal. If you struggle with positive self-talk, maybe it's something you'll want to try too!
So, there you have it - a few confessions of a mom of lots of littles. May you be encouraged and realize that you're not alone in this.
1. My couch is almost always covered in clean laundry.
 |
| About 1 1/2 weeks worth of folded laundry |
2. I don't cook all the time.
Is anyone really shocked? Some weeks, my meal planning looks like this picture. Other weeks, I'm calling my husband at 5:30, saying, "Oh, I don't have dinner planned. Should we figure out something at home or want me to grab food?" If I've planned ahead, even by just a day, Crock-Pot will usually be included as a cooking method. And yes, This Is Us did cause me to reconsider my constant use of it... I just can't help my love for slow cookers. I will say, though, that this year, I've gotten really good at just throwing things together, based on what's left in the fridge, without pulling out a recipe! It's something I never thought I'd be able to do, and here I am.3. I haven't always known how to do my girls' hair.
 |
| Watch the styles become better and cleaner as you travel from upper left to lower right. |
4. I didn't quit my job because of a burning desire to be with my kids.
Growing up, I always imagined that I would be a stay-at-home mother and love every minute of it. I figured as soon as we had kids, I'd quit my job and that would be it for the next 10+ years. Well, that's not how things worked. When my kids arrived, I was working full-time, as was my husband. Because we both worked full-time, we didn't have to pay for daycare out of our own pocket, so our three went to daycare. Well, when we knew the adoption was on the horizon, we began to consider our options. We knew we would lose the funding for daycare on that day, so I started looking for cheaper daycares. There were none. Actually, I did end up finding one. I toured it, and it just wasn't right. You see, as a social worker, my salary was barely higher than what I had made previously at my high school and college job. Daycare for three kids was going to cost me my entire salary. Now, tell me one good reason I would work full-time to send my kids to daycare. It just didn't make sense. So, I didn't quite my job because I wanted to spend every moment with my kids. That would be sweet if that was the reason, but that wasn't it. Now that I've been home for 8 months, I'm nearly in tears thinking about the possibility of going back to work in the future. I do, so very much, love being with my babies, and I have the ability to work from home and do part-time gigs in the meantime!
5. I feel like a failure 75% of the time.
Ever heard the phrase, "Everyone's a perfect parent until they are one?" Well, that's true. I told my mom just the other day, I wish I had half the patience she had for us when we were growing up. While that's still true, I've learned that I have to give myself some grace. In fact, I'm probably a much more patient person than I realize. After all, my patience has to stretch between four littles. When I mess up as a mom, make a mistake, raise my voice, or fail to put myself in time out like I should, I find myself pounding myself with insults. Anyone else? Well, to combat the constant negative loop in my head, I've started a journal of sorts, in which I am only allowed to write encouraging or even semi-encouraging things. Just the other day my entry consisted of basically saying, "Everyone survived, didn't they? Then dust yourself off and get back up." My personal favorite was a take on Wonder Woman's logo.
I've been told that I'm Super Girl and Wonder Woman more times than I can count. There's no denying that I am anything but a super hero, but I've found that opening my heart to hearing it allows me to begin to believe in myself and see myself through the same eyes as so many others. Do I think that I am literally Super Girl or Wonder Woman? Uh, of course not (though, Gal Gadot is pretty legit). But it does feel like it takes super powers to combat the negative loops in my head sometimes. Most the time, when someone says to me "I don't know how you can handle so many, so close in age," or "You're super woman," or "I couldn't do what you're doing," or like someone told me today, "You deserve a monument!", I usually politely thank them and then in my head, I combat their compliment. I say to myself, "Well, yeah, they're close in age, but you didn't birth them so it only half counts," and "They think you're great, but they didn't see how you yelled at your kids in the car earlier," and "You're trying to convince yourself that you're Wonder Woman? What a fantasy you're living in!" If you're a parent out there, and you've done the same things, STOP. When that lady told me today that I deserve a monument, I almost cried. Seriously. Because as totally silly as it was, someone saw me. She doesn't know half the load I carry, but she spoke to my heart. I am a stay-at-home adoptive mother to a 4-year-old, 3-year-old, and 1-year-old, and a foster mother to a 6-month-old. I chauffeur them all around, take them to appointments, and schedule case worker visits for the baby, all while trying to keep the house clean and make sure everybody eats. On top of that, I'm working on my Master's in social work [Which I'll have completed at the end of the summer!]. Currently, I'm taking one class and completing an internship. I also work part-time, and my husband works in tax which means I've been virtually a single parent for the last four months. Why. Can. I. Not. Show. Myself. Some. Grace? Chalk it up to being a perfectionist (see previous post). When I lay it all out there for myself, and for you, I begin to see that maybe, just maybe, it's okay to pat myself on the back every once in a while. For that reason, I have my little encouragement journal. If you struggle with positive self-talk, maybe it's something you'll want to try too!So, there you have it - a few confessions of a mom of lots of littles. May you be encouraged and realize that you're not alone in this.
Comments
Post a Comment