A Mom-of-Four's Tips on Routine

Why are routines so important? According to a book by Becky A. Bailey called I Love You Rituals, "Routines help children learn to tell time and regulate their own internal clocks. Children discover that after bath time comes story time. They learn to predict what will happen next, and in doing so, they feel more empowered to tackle the task. Our brains are pattern-seeking devices. The clearer the patterns for young children, the more brain-enriching the environment."

Now that we know why this topic is important, let's just get it out there - this post may be nothing new for you. You may have an elaborate system down when it comes to managing your family and all the different schedules. You may have all this figured out. Well, if you do, reach out to me, 'cause I need to pick your brain. In the meantime, what I have to offer is a few nuggets of wisdom I've picked up the last year or two. If you read my last post, you already know that our family has been juggling a lot for a couple years, and keeping a routine was sometimes the only thing to keep us all sane. For that reason, I thought I'd share with you some tips on creating and keeping routine.

Creating Routine: 

#1 Do what works for you.

Obvious, right? Except not really. You can't honestly tell me that you've never looked at how another mom fills her time with her kids and thought, "Oh, I'm not doing that. I should try work that into our routine too." And that's all well and good. We learn a lot as parents by watching others, and as long as it stays that way it's fine, but if you start to try to balance your life the same way I do, or the same way your best friend does, or the same way your kid's teacher does, then you'll be left feeling unfulfilled and unhappy. So do what works for you.

#2 Consider how old your kids are [And how many kids you have?].

A schedule with an infant is going to be vastly different from a schedule with a ten-year-old (I don't have one of those yet). In fact, a lot of times, my youngest has to fall in line with the schedule of the older kids. Fourth child syndrome? Even when I do have structured activities built into our daily routine, I make sure they're appropriate for at least my oldest three, even if it means more planning on my end.

#3 Evaluate your own expectations.

Do you expect your two-year-old to know all their shapes and colors, or recognize each letter of the alphabet, or maybe count to 100, and of course spell their first and last name.... all by their third birthday? If so, then your schedule is probably going to need to attempt to meet those expectations (Good luck to ya!). Consider what you're hoping for, and build upon that.

#4 Find the natural structure.

My oldest goes to school, so that naturally creates the framework for our day. We know we have to leave the house at a certain time in the morning for drop off, and leave to pick up no later than 2:30pm to make sure we get there on time. What I do with the time in between is determined by the above three considerations. For you, this natural structure may be your kids' school schedule, your work schedule, etc. Use this to build upon - it's the framework!

Keeping Routine:

#1 Use your favorite method to keep track of the schedule or routine. 

Admittedly, I use a paper calendar that basically guides my life. I write my work schedule in it, my kids' appointments, school functions, and my husband's appointments [Because obviously, I'm bossy and I remind him of what he needs to do]. If you're technological like my mom [I never thought I'd use that word to describe her], then you use some sort of electronic system through your email, or even that cool device in your hand that you're probably reading this from (your phone). Whatever works best for you (See Creating Routine tip #1), do that.

#2 Know that your routine isn't always going to keep. 

Before you bail on this read, thinking you've wasted the last five minutes of your life, hear me out. First of all, routines change. You get new work hours, or you start a master's degree, or your kids go off to school... and so on. Your routine is going to change over time. Not only that, but you're working with tiny humans who have free wills. If your kids are anything like my second-oldest, then they can't be rushed. And I mean, CANNOT BE RUSHED. No sense of urgency, no need to be anywhere by any particular time...... What a nightmare for a mama like me! 🙋 This has taught me a couple things. First, I hope she never loses that, because I could sure use some of her "chill" attitude here and there. Okay, or on most days. Second, I can give her more time to transition. This might mean I have to get up five minutes earlier or do her hair in a less elaborate way, but I have to make adjustments. At the same time, I'm going to give her verbal warnings on when things are going to change, I'm going to create rituals with her (see I Love You Rituals) to help that transition, and along the way, I'm teaching her skills that she'll carry with her into adulthood.

#3 Be consistent. 

In a book called No-Drama Discipline, the authors discuss the importance of consistency rather than rigidity when it comes to discipline and rules. I think the same applies to routine. Be consistent. But don't be rigid. Mama, you'll get a lot more life out of meeting up with your friend for a lunch date (Even with two screaming toddlers who really need to get home and take a nap) than you would sitting at home during nap. I don't care if you're using that nap time to work (like I do), relax with a book, fold some laundry, or something else. It is perfectly healthy to switch up your routine for the sake of relationship, your own mental health, or anything else of equal value. If you have a general routine that your kids can count on, they'll fall right back in line with the routine the next day. Another thing, a change in routine does not need to ruin the day. Sure, your toddler or preschooler might feel like it's the end of the world if they're not able to go outside for thirty minutes after breakfast, but as an adult, I think your coping skills are in a place where it doesn't have to ruin your day. I wish somebody had said this to me a couple months ago, because sometimes I still have a tendency to get all bent out of shape when the schedule of the day changes without warning. I didn't plan for this! 😆 Regardless of what you decide, just stick with it, and then realize that there will come a day when that schedule is going to change.

Babies don't keep. Neither do routines.