When Your Child Doesn't Feel Like a Gift
There's a large foster care and adoption agency in Texas called Arrow Child & Family Ministries. While they serve other areas of the country, Texas is their biggest hub. The agency's name comes from a passage in the Bible. If you read Psalm 127:3-5 you'll see this: "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior's hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!" Reading this passage tells me a few things. First, kids are a gift. Second, they're highly valuable. Third, the more kids you have, the happier you should be. Okay, I'm being a bit dramatic with my loose interpretation, but that's my sarcasm coming out at this present moment.
You see, it's been a day. Eh, more like a week. No, a month. Forget that. It's been almost two years. Nearly two years ago our oldest girls joined us, and I knew then that we had quite the road ahead of us. If you've read along here for a while, then you know that my four kids are adopted. My oldest two came to us when they were three years old, and just three days shy of two years old. There were things that they experienced prior to our home that I still see the effects of today.
Parenting kids from hard places is no easy task. Maybe it's not a task at all, but a lot of days it feels like it. Sometimes my kids feel less like a gift, and more like a challenge - a conquest. Don't give me that look. You know you've found yourself in a ridiculous power struggle or two with your kids, in an attempt to make them who you want them to be.
This Sunday, we dedicated our youngest daughter at church. One of our pastors stood up there on stage and said that our children were gifts. "But I don't need to tell you that," he added. And standing up there, I was hit with the reality that sometimes I actually do need that reminder. Sometimes the chaos and the tantrums and the defiant disobedience and the schedule juggling stands in the way of the beautiful gifts I have around me every day.
The kid who intentionally hit her baby sister on top of the head because she didn't like that she had knocked over books? Yeah, she's a gift.
The kid who took off his pull-up in the middle of the night and peed all over the bed? Yes, he's a gift too. And maybe that behavior was a gift, because it gave me another chance at practicing patience and self-control.
The kid who refuses to eat anything other than carbs or a few select fruits? Yep, she's a gift.
The kid who eats toothpaste, even though she's been told a million times to cut it out? Yeah, even her.
The bickering and fighting. The ear-piercing tantrums. The sickness we seem to always be passing around to each other. The early mornings. The unending laundry. The dirty dishes. The parent-teacher meetings. The long days. The home that's been taken over with toys. The homework. The birthday parties. The full calendar.......... All of them........... GIFTS.
When it comes down to it, when you're child doesn't feel like a gift, you probably don't feel like a gift either. You probably feel unworthy, impatient, unequipped, imperfect, unkind, etc. When my children don't feel like gifts, it has nothing to do with my kids. It has everything to do with me.
This has been a hard realization lately. With all the behaviors in the world, as long as I handled them well, I feel like a capable and effective mother. But if I don't handle things the way I think that I should have or the way that I wanted to, then suddenly I become frustrated with not only myself, but my child.
So if you're like me, you need a reminder here and there.
And if you're like me, you find yourself constantly reminded that these days... these long, hard days in the trenches... are short. I am certain that one day, I'll look back and weep, missing the sweet babies that are my constant companions. This, for me, is all the more reason to treasure the days I have now... and the treasures I hold within these days.
Your children are a gift mama. And so are YOU.
You see, it's been a day. Eh, more like a week. No, a month. Forget that. It's been almost two years. Nearly two years ago our oldest girls joined us, and I knew then that we had quite the road ahead of us. If you've read along here for a while, then you know that my four kids are adopted. My oldest two came to us when they were three years old, and just three days shy of two years old. There were things that they experienced prior to our home that I still see the effects of today.
Parenting kids from hard places is no easy task. Maybe it's not a task at all, but a lot of days it feels like it. Sometimes my kids feel less like a gift, and more like a challenge - a conquest. Don't give me that look. You know you've found yourself in a ridiculous power struggle or two with your kids, in an attempt to make them who you want them to be.
This Sunday, we dedicated our youngest daughter at church. One of our pastors stood up there on stage and said that our children were gifts. "But I don't need to tell you that," he added. And standing up there, I was hit with the reality that sometimes I actually do need that reminder. Sometimes the chaos and the tantrums and the defiant disobedience and the schedule juggling stands in the way of the beautiful gifts I have around me every day.
The kid who intentionally hit her baby sister on top of the head because she didn't like that she had knocked over books? Yeah, she's a gift.
The kid who took off his pull-up in the middle of the night and peed all over the bed? Yes, he's a gift too. And maybe that behavior was a gift, because it gave me another chance at practicing patience and self-control.
The kid who refuses to eat anything other than carbs or a few select fruits? Yep, she's a gift.
The kid who eats toothpaste, even though she's been told a million times to cut it out? Yeah, even her.
The bickering and fighting. The ear-piercing tantrums. The sickness we seem to always be passing around to each other. The early mornings. The unending laundry. The dirty dishes. The parent-teacher meetings. The long days. The home that's been taken over with toys. The homework. The birthday parties. The full calendar.......... All of them........... GIFTS.
When it comes down to it, when you're child doesn't feel like a gift, you probably don't feel like a gift either. You probably feel unworthy, impatient, unequipped, imperfect, unkind, etc. When my children don't feel like gifts, it has nothing to do with my kids. It has everything to do with me.
This has been a hard realization lately. With all the behaviors in the world, as long as I handled them well, I feel like a capable and effective mother. But if I don't handle things the way I think that I should have or the way that I wanted to, then suddenly I become frustrated with not only myself, but my child.
So if you're like me, you need a reminder here and there.
And if you're like me, you find yourself constantly reminded that these days... these long, hard days in the trenches... are short. I am certain that one day, I'll look back and weep, missing the sweet babies that are my constant companions. This, for me, is all the more reason to treasure the days I have now... and the treasures I hold within these days.
Your children are a gift mama. And so are YOU.
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